DEARFILE | A CONVERSATION ABOUT IMPORTANT PAPERS
A private preparation and conversation worksheet

Use this sheet on paper or in your own private file. No account or
upload is needed. Your parent chooses what to share and may stop at
any point. Leave fields blank when they prefer not to answer.

Keep passwords, PINs, recovery codes, Social Security numbers, full
account numbers, and document scans off this sheet. A location note
can still be private. Agree on who may keep or see the completed copy.

1. PREPARE ONE SMALL QUESTION

Why am I asking? Keep the purpose specific and practical:
____________________________________________________________

One document or topic I could suggest, if my parent wants to talk:
____________________________________________________________

A private, unhurried time I could suggest:
____________________________________________________________

Opening I can adapt:
"Could we spend ten minutes talking about where you keep important
papers? If you ever asked me to find something, I'd like to know
where to start. You can decide what you want to show me."

If I live far away:
"If you needed me to help with a document from here, who would you
want me to contact? We could start with a name."

2. LISTEN AND AGREE ON THE SCOPE

[ ] Ask whether now is a good time.
[ ] Let my parent choose the document, topic, and people involved.
[ ] Listen to how their existing system works before suggesting changes.
[ ] Ask what they want to keep private.
[ ] Ask separately before recording, retrieving, opening, photographing,
    copying, or sharing anything.
[ ] Accept a pause or a no. Do not try another route around it.

Questions to use only if my parent wants to continue:
- Who would you want me to contact first?
- Is there a backup? Who will check that they are willing to help?
- Where would you want me to start looking?
- What is the folder called? How would I recognize the current item?
- What would you be comfortable with me doing, and when?
- What should I do if I cannot reach you?
- Would you like a note, and who should keep it?

3. RECORD ONLY WHAT MY PARENT AGREES TO

Conversation date:
____________________________________________________________

One document or topic my parent chose:
____________________________________________________________

Who to contact, their role, and how to reach them:
____________________________________________________________

Backup contact, only if wanted:
____________________________________________________________
Has that person agreed to help? Yes / Not checked / Not applicable
Who will check any pending arrangement?
____________________________________________________________

Location or document holder, if shared:
____________________________________________________________

What I may do, and when:
____________________________________________________________

What needs a separate conversation or permission:
____________________________________________________________

Who keeps this note and who may see it:
____________________________________________________________
Where will the approved copy be kept privately?
____________________________________________________________

What is confirmed, and what is still unknown:
____________________________________________________________
Examples of an unresolved detail: current document not checked;
location not confirmed; access arrangement not checked.

One next step, who will do it, and agreed timing:
____________________________________________________________

Revisit only if wanted: when or after what change?
____________________________________________________________

4. READ THE AGREEMENT BACK

"I can keep the folder location. I'll ask you before opening it.
The note stays between us. Have I understood that correctly?"

Use the actual agreement, not this example, when reading back.

[ ] My parent had a chance to correct or remove anything in the note.
[ ] We distinguished a known location from a checked document.
[ ] We have not assumed access if a lock, account, or office process
    still needs to be checked.
[ ] Any sharing and next step match what my parent agreed to.

IF THE ANSWER IS NO

"Okay, we can leave it there. If you'd ever like help, you can tell
me what would be useful."

Stop there. Do not search files, contact advisers, or ask another
relative to obtain the information instead. If your parent wants
to work privately, they can keep a blank copy and choose whether
to share anything later.

WHAT THIS NOTE DOES NOT AUTHORIZE

This is an organizing worksheet. It is not a power of attorney,
health care directive, or institution's authorization form.
Do not use it to claim account access, permission to obtain private
records, or authority to make decisions. Knowing a location or a
contact does not establish those arrangements.

If your parent wants someone to obtain records or act for them,
they can ask the relevant institution or a qualified professional
about the arrangements for their situation. An unanswered call is
not permission to search their files or use their login.

General organizing guidance for U.S. readers, not legal, financial,
or medical advice.

Guide, fictional example, and official sources:
https://dearfile.com/blog/how-to-ask-parents-where-important-documents-are